Call me paranoid...

But tonight I freaked out at the movie theater.

I took one of my former students, Emma, to see a movie tonight.  Circumstance selected The Dark Knight Rises for us, marking my third time seeing it.  I think the movie is fabulous, so I didn't really mind, in spite of my advising my mom to not go see it.

After everything that happened in Colorado and the copycat scares, I just don't think a trip to the theater is worth it.  The movie will be out on DVD soon enough.  But I didn't apply this rule to myself, considering South Korea's strict gun control laws.  However, I grew up in America, with one of my earliest memories being the horror of Columbine (I was in elementary school... I'm sure I could remember further back if it wasn't so late right now), and, therefore, an awareness of gun possibilities in various occasions is deeply engrained in me.  Plus, I'll admit that I'm a bit overly-paranoid, and am always aware of what is in my purse that can be quickly turned into a weapon.

So when, halfway through Batman tonight, a member of the audience got up and started fiddling with the emergency exit, I immediately found a new focus for my attention.  I pulled my Cannon Power Shot from my purse, along with a particularly sharp pen, and began contemplating the best place to hit a man with said improvised rock to incapacitate him and/or crush his skull.

                                              

My camera.

I'm pretty fond of it, but it caught me by surprise when everything was digital on it.

I'd still prefer to upgrade to something with more manual options, but with some practice,

the digital manual options are workable.

When I saw him cross in front of the audience and linger in the middle (really, directly in front of me, as I was sitting in the first row), I slowly began sliding to the front edge of my seat, so as to lose no time trying to get out of it.  I slid my cell phone in my back pocket.  Having found myself phoneless in my last major emergency situation (my car crash), I never intend for it to happen again.

He scanned the audience and quickly moved to the other fire exit, which he shook several times, quietly.  When it wouldn't open, he sprinted out the main entrance/exit, and I didn't see him again, although I was definitely looking.  Every time I saw someone's shadow growing larger as they came down the hall to that door, I was distracted from the movie to stare and make sure they didn't look extra-lumpy.  I did get distracted by the movie at one point, and, when I noticed someone standing there, I jumped so high that I scared Emma.  She definitely knew something was up, but she never asked about it.

It turned out to be nothing, but it was definitely an adrenaline-inducing experience.  I couldn't help but find myself thinking, "They may have gun control laws, but that's what keeps them from anticipating something like this."  Furthermore, as we were sitting in the front row, I felt so helpless, knowing that there would be little to nothing I could do to protect Emma; there were no chairs in front of us to help protect her, even if I got her to the floor.

But what shook me more, was realizing that I, the girl who constantly preaches pacifism and that people have no right to kill each other (without specific exception from G-d Himself), was plotting the fastest/easiest way to kill this man, assuming he made one blatantly wrong move.  I'm not sure what to do with that realization, aside from a lot of prayer and research.  If I come up with anything, I'll be sure to let you know.

So that was the excitement for the evening.  I'm thinking that may have to end up being my last in-theater viewing of Batman for this generation.  Like I told my mom, it's just not worth it.

The things I didn't tell you yesterday

I'm going to work my way backward, because that's the order that seems important to me.  Yesterday, I went to see Men in Black III.  Now, this is important to me, because I really like Will Smith, and THIS is why.  Yes, he's a good actor.  Yes, he's a good rapper.  But, holy cow, he's a fabulous role model.  I'm so glad that he has influenced my life.  So, I chose to take Lucy and her sister to go see this movie with me.  I'll forgive them for mistaking him for being his son (they starting trying to tell me he was in the Karate Kid), it's an easy mistake, I'm sure, when dealing with a language barrier.  

The three of us, waiting for the movie to start.
We got tickets for the premium theater, which comes with couches instead of seats
and your choice of coffee or iced tea.  I got some peach iced tea.  Yum yum!

I got the opportunity to talk to them about their middle school lives.  They both are loving it, but they're studying so hard.  Lucy's sister will take her high school entrance exams at the end of this year, so she's already got her nose to the grindstone, "Which is fine," I told them, "but only if you remember that if you work hard, you must play hard, too."  They nodded, and said, "Yes, Teacher."  I really hope that they were listening.  Lucy's going to swing by the school on Wednesday, so I hope to remind her of it then.

I got to the mall a bit earlier than I needed to be there to meet them, so I took some time, wandering around H&M, and do you know what I found?  YES.  I found shoes that FIT ME.  I don't know if they run the sizes big in that store, or if it just happened to be the style, or maybe my feet have lost weight, but I fit into a European 40 (US 9) size shoe, when I normall wear in the 44 region (10).  I'm so excited, because they're insanely cute.  Just putting them on and walking around made me feel so much more womanly.  I didn't realize how much I'd missed my heels.

Also, the bunny is eating and drinking on her own again.  It's not the way I'd like it to be, but at least it's happening some.

 Lastly, some Blimey Cow photo-a-day challenge update:

Day 10: Mom.  I thought that was stupid, because it was Father's Day, so I took a picture of me calling him.

Day 11: Messy (as in Mondays).
Somehow today, my flipflop's partner got lost in the 5 minutes it took to leave them alone at home.  I'm not sure how to deal with it.  I think the bunny may have used some of her telepathy powers as revenge for me force-feeding her?

Remembering to be Dead

Recently, a good friend of mine and I have been up, talking late into the night about everything from coffee to the ugliest scars on our hearts.  Maybe it's been a little irresponsible of us, as we're supposed to be adults now, going to our 9-5's (okay, 8:30-4:30 on his part, 9:30-4:30 on mine [for now], but you get the idea), and not staying up until 3am every night, but, as I'm trying to teach The Girls, sometimes, what society tells you to do isn't the most right option.  Let me explain why I think that is for this specific case.

I don't know if you've ever stayed up past the point of the second wind, past the point of delirium, all the way until the point of utter openness, but I'm going to work from the assumption that you haven't, as my high school English teachers taught me to do on my essays, so scroll on down if you already know what I'm talking about.  Everyone else, this is for you.  Anymore, my friend shows up around 8:30 or 9:30 at night, and, usually, neither of us have eaten (because we both apparently picked up European eating habits during our stints in Germany), so I'll start making some food; he'll generally start cleaning.  Neither of these tasks require too much brain power, so it really lends itself to opening a conversation.  So we talk.  And we eat.  And we laugh.  Maybe we'll watch a movie.  Maybe he'll help answer some of my questions about TESOL.  Then, one of us will do something that's not funny at all, but it will get the other one (okay... me) laughing uncontrollably, which will get the other laughing uncontrollably,  until we're both laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, contemplating how to get the dust out of my overhead light.

Unavoidably, at this point, something will sneak up out of nowhere - this force I can't explain - and one of us will say, "Can I ask you a weird question?"  And then the openness has arrived.  So, the other will say, "Sure," and the conversation proceeds as if we're not baring our souls to each other, telling the other things that we're not even sure we've told ourselves yet.  Our most recent encounter with this stage has left my mind reeling for the past couple of days.  I've churned it over and over, knowing that he's Biblically correct, but unable to get any kind of firm grip on the topic, because, as our eyes met, and the word "Sure" tumbled over my lips, he asked me,

"Do you think you're beautiful?"

I didn't even need to hesitate, since I'd actually just been thinking of the answer, as I recalled my reflection in the elevator mirror from earlier that day.

"No; not at all."

"I thought so.  It shows in the way you relate to everyone around you.  I'm sure it won't mean much, coming from me, but I want you to know, I think you're a beautiful person."

I was stunned.  Absolutely stunned.  There was so much to contemplate there in the possible literal meanings of the phrase that it really just took me this long to make linguistic sense of it all.  But, as I listened to Matt Maher's Empty and Beautiful album tonight (the title track, specifically), it all seemed to click into place.  I could handle admitting that the areas of G-d in me are beautiful.  This is no problem for me to say.  What else would they be?  As I returned to these thoughts, while wrapping down for the night, the opening lines to the song caught me:

My past won't stop haunting me.
In this prison there's a fight between
Who I am and who I used to be.

And then I remembered:  For me, it's very much who I USED TO BE.  Because, like I've said, If not for G-d, I am dead.  It follows that those things within me that are separate from G-d must be dead.  All that is in me and makes me must be held extremely close to G-d, and, being that close, it cannot fail to reflect Him.  Just look at the story of Moses on Mount Sinai.  Therefore, I MUST be beautiful.

I'm not sure how this conclusion does much for me, other than clearing my head of one more lie that I've been sucked into, but I feel secure in knowing it, which seems like a good enough reason for me.  There are a lot of implications that I could go into about it, but, at this point, it is 2:06am, and I have my first TESOL presentation tomorrow, so I really should get some sleep.

Remember to be dead, my friends.

New things

Again, it's been a while.  I know.  I've had good reason, though.

I've started my TESOL class (which is my first graduate-level class) and moved up to the next level in my Korean class, so I've really had to step up my level of work.  I have two presentations in TESOL this week and one in Korean.  I'm not going to lie... I'm starting to get nervous.  On top of that, this past weekend, I moved into my new apartment.  The heat and hot water had been out in my old one for about a week, so I opted to push up my move-in date.  I'm so glad I did.  My apartment isn't much - a room, a bath, and a loft - but I am a big fan of it.  I don't have any good pictures of it, as I'm still unpacking and storing some boxes in it for its old occupant, a friend of mine, until she comes back for them in about a month.  I do, however, have a picture of my roommate, the occupant of the loft.  It's not a great one, but I think you'll get the gist:

Yup!  The same friend also left me her rabbit, Manila.  Manila's pretty easy-going, although she's a bit territorial right now.  I just need to out-alpha-rabbit her.  I think I can do it.  She needs a lot of attention, but we're working on the balance.  I'm enjoying having her around.  I think we're going to be great friends.

Tonight, I also began the first in my series of new initiatives to get together with my graduated 6th graders.  I want to be able to give them a break from the pressures they're about to face and show them that there's more to life than getting a perfect score.  I want to push the G-d aspect and that he's more important than making good money or gaining social status.  I'm not sure how I'm going to convey all of this, but, right now, I'll settle for an age-appropriate movie and some food that's good for your soul.  I hope you will join me in keeping these kids in prayer - yes, all of them, but especially these three: Emma, Irin (sounds like Irene), and Cleo.  I've given you their English names, not their Korean ones (yes, I finally learned them), because there are a lot of sick-os that use the Internet.  Their names are pretty common in the Korean world, but I'm not taking any chances.  Also, if you have any suggestions of fun things to do with middle school girls, let me know, because I can't always luck out and find a movie (Happy Feet 2) that I know I'll feel comfortable taking them to see.  I know... I can't believe that I'm volunteering to hang out with middle schoolers either.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to.  I've had some people re-connecting with me via Facebook, and I've really been enjoying that.  I'd be incredibly interested in knowing what's new with you too, so leave me a comment!

<3