추석 Traveling: At the Orphanage

Alex and Vera spend a lot of time volunteering at an orphanage for people with special needs.  I purposefully say "people" and not "children, because there are many fully grown adults in this orphanage.  I don't have photos of this adventure to share with you, so as to protect those who live at the orphanage, but I hope I can evoke images vividly enough with my words so as to be satisfying.

This is the post that I've been thinking about the most.  This is the post that is probably not going to satisfy me when I'm done.  This is the post that really isn't going to do its job.  What happened to me while I was at the orphanage was not so much what I saw, said, or did; what happened to me there was much more about what I felt.

Upon arriving at the orphanage, we dropped off our things in the director's office, and we trooped outside to take some of the more immobile people on a walk.  The more volunteers that are there, the better, since there will be more people to push wheelchairs, meaning that more of the residents can go on the walk, which is so good for them - the change of scenery, the sunshine, the fresh air, the movement.  I generally preferred to stay in the back of the parade, enjoying the sun as it woke up and warmed up, the steadily rolling mountains, and the general air of peace that radiated from the people who walked in front of me.

There's one moment etched in my mind that features a backdrop of blue-green mountains, back-lit by a still-cold sun, against which I watched as three of our fully-grown walkers joined hands and continued on their walk that way, simply enjoying each other's reaffirmed presence and love.  As I saw that, my heart melted and a year and a half of stress washed off me.  I couldn't help thinking, "This is what we're supposed to be.  This is, as Phil from KiA (Mainz, Germany) would say, Heaven breaking into our world.  This is what makes G-d smile."

It may not be incredibly politically correct of me to say this, but I've frequently found myself envying people with special needs, especially people with Down's Syndrome.  I envy some of my Autistic friends, but Down's Syndrome takes the cake.  I can tell that there is something going on in their perspective of the world that I, by missing out on an "extra" chromosome, am sorely lacking and should regret it.  Having never even lived closely with this type of person, I can't say my observations for anything near certain, and I know that everyone has their bad days, but I rarely ever see me friends with Down's with anything less than a smile on their faces.  They have a special way of communicating, a special way of seeing people that I regret not having.  I am desperately envious of their world-view.  So, to throw me into a large group of people in possession of this world view was nothing short of the most relaxing thing I can ever remember doing in my life.  This from the girl who once swore she would never be able to handle people with special needs.  (A side-note from me to you: Don't test G-d with those kind of statements.  I look back on that memory now, and can almost audibly hear the "Oh really?" that He shot in response to me.)

After the morning walk, we sat for a while in the sun, playing with some of the "immobile" people there, although that's not really a good term for it, because they certainly could move when they want to, it's just not in a bi-pedal sort of way.  Sitting amongst these people was an experience.  In fact, sitting anywhere in the orphanage was an experience - usually one that ended with me finding myself with a pile of children on top of me.  This probably contributed to my sense of relaxation.  Although I suffer terribly from oversensitive skin due to Sensory Integration Dysfunction that leaves me feeling like I'm literally burning alive, my love language is still touch.  I could always tell, when I taught elementary school, when I haven't had enough of it by the overwhelming desire to let my students all pile on top of me, like I knew they wanted to do.  G-d is so good; He found a way to answer even that prayer that my soul had been crying out to Him.

After the piling, I followed Vera upstairs to the bedrooms and nurseries of the younger children.  It was approaching lunchtime, and we were going to help feed the kids.  Again, we came in and sat on the floor, where I was immediately bombarded by two little people, Bobbie and Addie.  They're brother and sister: twins, I think.  Bobbie, entirely uninhibited, plopped himself in my lap, while Addie, who was much more reserved, preferred to stay a bit further away and assess the situation.  I never heard either one of them speak a word, or eve make a noise, come to think of it, but they were quite communicative with me.  Bobbie and I played for a while, and I noted that fact that I would soon be inheriting his cold, as he wiped his snot on my arm.  I had a gnawing feeling that I needed to be paying attention to Addie, too, though, especially if they were twins.  I, being reserved upon meeting new people myself, know the strong desire to bond with people, and the pain of being crippled by your natural inclinations, so I broke the ice and stuck my tongue out at her.  She lit up like a Christmas tree, getting off her chair and crawling over to me to return my greeting.  I responded by rolling my tongue at her, which she spent the next half hour trying to learn to do.  Now worried about Bobbie's need for attention, I started full-palmedly stroking his face, an action that thoroughly amused him, and continued slowly rolling my tongue in on itself over and over for Addie.  I must say, I was relieved when lunch arrived, in spite of its gruel-like texture and Bobbie's gaping front teeth.  That boy... I think I ended up with more of his lunch on me than on him.  At least he was amused.

After lunch, we had to leave for the day, but we returned the next.  I thought about Bobbie and Addie all through the walk and ran up to pop in on them as soon as I could.  By that time, though, lunch was already over, but the kids weren't phased.  By way of greeting, Addie stuck her tongue out at me (she never did learn how to roll it; I think there's a genetic factor involved, poor kid), before beeing hauled off for a nap by her nurse.  The other nurses were busily trying to get Bobbie to take some medicine for his cold, something my presence did not help at all.  When I walked in, he threw his arms wide and started trembling from head to foot in a way that reminded me so strongly of my brother in his single-digit days that I had to laugh.  I eventually figured out that if I stood behind the nurses in just the right way, he would look the correct direction for them to get the medicine in his mouth.  Then, I could give him the hug he was looking for and send him off to bed.

If I were in a different circumstance, not having to work and being supported by someone else (a husband, donations, etc.), I would be looking into adopting Bobbie and Addie.  Not only have I been unable to stop thinking about them since the moment I met them, but Bulgaria is getting ready to disband its orphanages.  It has another program it will implement that I don't fully understand, so it's not like it's abandoning the kids, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing that is good for the particular people in this specific orphanage.  They are going to be assessed according to functionality levels and divvied up to different "homes" (I'm not sure what all that term entails).  There's some good in that, since they'll, in theory, be receiving more specialized care, but anyone who thinks this entire group isn't a functioning family unit is kidding themselves.  I hate that they're all going to be split up, BUT, if they have to be, I'd rather know that Bobbie and Addie are going to people who are going to love them and care for them according to their very specific needs.  Believe it or not, I half-seriously contemplated finding a man to marry me before D-Day (Dissolving-Day... my term, no one else's).  But I was only half-serious, so, now I'm just praying, and trying to put the whole situation in G-d's hands.  I don't kid myself into thinking that I am the best possible solution for Bobbie and Addie's situation; heck, I'm not even sure I belong on the "best" list at all, but I know I care deeply about them, and I want what's best for them.  So I pray, and I pray often, and more often still.

For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.  Amen.

CrippledJesus

This is a message from my friends Phil and Cris in Germany.  I miss them so much, but G-d is definitely using them in big ways.  Check them out, and consider this as an opportunity for some LAST LAST minute Christmas shopping (I prefer to do any shopping I can after the holiday, because everything goes on sale! ~ Especially the Christmas cards).

If you only have time for one video, skip this one, and click immediately on the title of this post.  (It gets a bit sales-pitchy at the end, but you would need to understand the German people and the state of their church to get why it's still authentic.  Trust me, this isn't so much about the money as it is about the message.)

<3

I feel loved!

Okay, so, I live in this crazy cyber-stalk-y world, where Facebook keeps track of who I talk to the most, and will even automatically stalk them for me so I don't feel like a creeper.  Well, Blogspot makes me go out of the way to check on such things, but it still automatically tracks the locations of people coming to check out my blog.

Now, some of you found your way here because my cousin David just married the lovely and beautiful Sarah, and that's okay... I don't blame you for checking out my blog on account of them.  They're amazing people and I would cyber-stalk them too (and do... no worries!). ;)

Some of your way here by Googling my name... clearly you are interested in ME... thanks. ;)

Some of you somehow managed upon my pictures of Korea while looking for beautiful scenery.

(See how creep-tastic this is??)

Some of you are from Germany, and this makes me happy, because I still miss Germany and KiA deeply, and I'm hoping to be able to come visit sometime in the upcoming months.  (You hear that, Phil?)


It didn't surprise me to find the USA in 1st place for blog hits.
It didn't surprise me to find South Korea in 2nd.
What DID surprise me was when I found that Russia was in 3rd (closely followed by Germany).

Therefore... my Russian friend(s):
I'd love to hear from you... are you thinking of coming to Korea?  Do my late night ramblings entertain you?  Do you just adore my cousin and his wife, too (really, I couldn't blame you for that)?  haha... no pressure there... just wanted to say: I love you too!!!

<3

Sorry if I just creeped y'all out there.  I just thought I'd illustrate this point a little... BUT... I do like the option, because it really does make me feel loved. :)

Maybe we've been thinking too narrowly.

Matthew 5:3-12

New International Version (NIV)

   ³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
   ¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

"ROYSTER TEACH-UH!"  I heard my name called with such enthusiasm that I couldn't help but translate it in my head to mean, "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to see you!  I love seeing you!"  I looked up in time just to see a couple of my more familiar students running off the soccer pitch of the English Academy next to the school where I teach.
"Royster Teach-uh!  Hi!"
"Hi!"
"...Water?  Please?"
I smiled.  This was one of those few moments that I didn't feel like their excitement had been merely a ploy to get something from me, but, even if it was, I'll never be one to refuse a child water.  The two boys quickly downed half of my 1.5 liter bottle, smiled, chatted through one of their memorized dialogues with me, and then gave the standard, abrupt, "Okay, byeee!" and ran back off to play more soccer.
I continued my walk to the bus stop, and looked back over my shoulder as I rounded the corner.  The sight that greeted me this time left me in a state of mild self-argument.  One of the boys, having grown tired of the soccer game, had climbed up on top of the goal netting, and was lounging there, using it as a hammock.  My first instinct was to call out to him to get down, but the more I looked at it, the more I realized that it was not going to break under his small body weight, so I just laughed and enjoyed it.

Later, I got to thinking about the instance.  This boy wanted to be close to his friends and close to the action, but was too tired to still be in the thick of it.  He came up with a creative solution.  He could even still contribute to the game, calling out helpful warnings to the goalie beneath him.

What if we've been thinking too narrowly about our walk with Christ?  What if, when we rest, we don't need time out from the battle?  What if we just need a different position?  What if we need to create a new position?

Jesus brought about revolution, but He did not do it in the way that anyone else revolted, he created a new position, a new type of King, a new type of leader.  After all, who has ever heard of a peaceful revolution before or after?  Nonetheless, this is what He brought.  He left us instructions for how to continue it too.  Philip Zimmerman, pastor of the KiA Mainz church (I attended Project:Camp in 2008 [see the article linked to Phil's name] and interned there in 2009), often speaks of how the Kingdom of G-d is not some far off place, it's in us now, and it's our job to spread the Kingdom through everything we do.  Dr. Nathan Kerr adamantly agrees with him (and I'm going to quote Nate here, even though his writing is on such a high level, but what he has to say makes it worth deciphering):

What has become increasingly apparent to me is the way in which the ecclesiocentric approach short-circuits the practice of theology as a specifically dogmatic task. There are several dimensions to this short-circuiting. On the one hand, the ecclesiocentric construal of the church as a distinctively Christian culture renders a certain ecclesiological natural theology unavoidable. Whether one is speaking of the need for a “Christian social imaginary” as the condition for hearing and carrying out the task of the gospel (as does James K. A. Smith ); of the need to render an account of Christianity as a “habitable world” and to witness to a given Christian culture’s “particular way of structuring the whole” as requisite to the “intelligibility” and “truth” of the gospel proclamation (as we find in the work of Stanley Hauerwas and Bruce Marshall ); or speculatively, of the need to consider the church as its own historically “cultural” entity, as in God’s intention “antecedent” to (and so historically a condition of) the gospel (as does Robert Jenson ), the result is for all intents and purposes the same: the positing of a Christian culture or worldview as the real Anknüpfungspunkt (point of contact) required for the hearing of the gospel and thus the virtual identification of Christian mission with enculturation, or what John Flett would call propaganda.  

 (Incidentally, when Googling to find the correct interview with Nate, I'm pretty sure I stumbled across the blog of a good friend of mine from my freshman year of college.  If you understood and liked what Nate had to say, you'd like what Nathaniel Maddox says too.)

So, now that you're probably entirely overwhelmed, let me just write one question for you in big, bold letters so that you know what I've been asking myself today:

Have I been approaching this peaceful revolution from the sidelines or from the goalposts?