Friday, April 5, 2013

Dear everyone,

I love you, and let me preface this by saying that while this is an incredibly sarcastic post, I'm not mad... I'm just banging my head against a wall while I'm writing.

Will you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CALM DOWN?! Please please please please please please pleeeeeaaaaaaaaaseeeee?

Yes, I know the tiny country full of starving people and World War II era planes (Read: North Korea) is super scary, but please rest assured that I'll be okay.  (Really. I write you only the truth.)

Furthermore, take a step back and look at who's giving you the information that is freaking you out so much. Who is it?  The news media.  And the news media has NEVER blown ANYTHING out of proportion before... right?  (Grab your kids, grab your wife!)

Lastly, before you get all worried about me, you should know that North Korea is far more angry at the U.S. than it is at South Korea, so, if you must frantically text someone, will you please frantically text your friends in Hawai'i and California?

And just in case you're not convinced yet, here's what's REALLY going down, here in South Korea:

(Note, the people interviewed in Pyeongyang are the elite, rich (fed) people of North Korea.
Furthermore, I'm still at a loss to understand how exactly they plan to crush anyone...
Like, really, think about it... most people in North Korea get to eat meat at most twice a year, supplementing their diets with grass, bugs, and tree bark when things get desperate.
I'm pretty sure they're going to be more focused on continuing to stand upright than attack anyone.
And... need I point this out again?... They're focused on crushing the U.S.)

And, as my friend Ashley pointed out, this is happening, too:

Hye Yoon would also like to share that this is happening:

And Megan and Michael are being mauled by dinosaurs:

Finally, I'll leave you with one more video:

So would you please please please please stop watching/listening to the American news for a little bit, because I love you, and I know you're only worrying because you love me, but you're kind of stressing me out more than North Korea is.


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