Saturday, July 14, 2012

A transcript of an incredibly important conversation I had today.

Today, I had my monthly Skype call with my cousin Becky.  While we were talking, she said she kept turning green in her picture.  I determined that, clearly, this was a sign that aliens were coming to her town, and she needed to make her aluminum foil hat.  She should trap one in a closet and cut its hand off.  But then I remembered that that usually results in the alien stealing the knife and using it against you, so maybe she shouldn't do that.  She then countered that G-d created the aliens, so we shouldn't kill them.  I ruled her argument invalid, since she eats meat, but we decided to consult my closest Catholic friend anyway, to attempt to get the expert opinion (AKA: the Pope's).  The following conversation ensued.

Me: Andy

Me: important question:

Me: do Catholics believe in aliens?

Andy: up to debate

Andy: church doesn't comment on that

Andy: though some people say that the vatican has classified files

Andy: so if we do find other life

Andy: we will know what to say

Me: What does the pope say?

Andy: pope doesnt speculate on it

Andy: why?

Me: Andy

Me: Did Jesus die for the aliens, too?

Andy: alien Jesus did

Me: Wait

Me: wait wait wait

Me: G-d had another son?

Andy: no

Me: So, Jesus was reborn of alien Mary?

Andy: yes


Andy: yes


Andy: :P

Andy: this is why we are friends

Me: New important question:

Me: How many alien Marys and alien Jesii are there?

Andy: as many as there need to be

Me: okay... so the blue ones, the green ones, and the purple ones.

Andy: yes

Me: Good

Me: okay

Me: So, moral of the story: we should not kill aliens?

Andy: yes

Me: okay

Me: good

Andy: why?

Me: My cousin is about to be attacked by them

Me: we had to formulate her plan

Andy: good

Me: We have concluded that she should just let them kill her.

Andy: yes

Me: I then proposed that they may not kill her

Me: and she said she would release her spirit like Jesus did.

Me: Is this a pope-acceptable plan?

Andy: probably not, but i do not speak for the pope... ask him

Me: you're the one with his phone number.

Andy: 1 800 cool hat

Me: ohhhhhhhh

Me: that makes sense

Me: since G-d's number is 1-800-call-g0d

Andy: yes

I have very patient friends.

Please note, that the only thing missing from my communication with Andy today was our sign-off.  Where you join the conversation is where he did.

Try out Skype for yourself.

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